Well, I have made a life changing decision. I'm going to pursue a career in teaching rather than do another round of fertility treatments. Brent and I came to this decision about a week ago and we both felt that this was the right thing to do. I know people in church would not agree with my decision, but they're not the ones who have basically tried everything "in the book" to get pregnant. I feel that this is the right choice to make right now. Heavenly Father knows that I was to become a mother. However, I feel that I need to pursue my goal of becoming a teacher.
I also came to the conclusion that I need to move on with my life. I have been dwelling with the fact of trying to become a mother that it has basically consumed my life. The thing is I don't know if I will ever become a mother, other than a mother to my precious little dogs. I'm rearranging my method of thinking and just live life. I want to pass this chapter of dealing with infertility in my life. If Heavenly Father thinks that I should be a mother then he will bless me when he thinks its time, but for now, I feel I need to do what will make me happy.
For those of you who are mothers, please don't take offense, but I feel like I cannot relate to you and it makes it very difficult to have anything in common with you. Being around you all is being talked about is kids, kids, kids. I don't share anything in common with you. I've gotten to the point that I just plain out don't feel comfortable being around families with children anymore. I love children and that is why I want to become a teacher, but being the only person at a function who doesn't have kids has become very uncomfortable. This may sound strange, but I feel most comfortable being by myself or with my husband and finding out who I really am. I prefer to stay home and not go out (and no this not a plea to go out...I would rather not).
Regardless, I am following a dream that I've had since I was a child. I'm going to make something of myself and be happy with the decision that I will/have made.
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Best of luck to you in your path to become a teacher. I think you will make a great one. You have a kindness about you that I think your future students will love. May the Lord bless you with peace in your decisions and with the strength to move forward.
ReplyDeleteWell I know you are going to make a great teacher. We love you and support you!
ReplyDeleteI completely felt for you when I read this post. It reminded me so much of the thought process I’ve gone through. I did a few fertility treatments and they didn’t work. My choice at that time was to find some way to keep them up (using credit cards probably since we didn’t have the money), or let that go and pursue my career. I chose career, and I had some people tell me I made the wrong choice. What they didn’t understand was I had an open heart to motherhood. Heavenly Father could have blessed me with a child at any time (I wasn’t preventing it), and I would change my plans in a heartbeat. But He wasn’t doing that. So, life had to go on.
ReplyDeleteIt turned out that was the best decision I could have made. I established my career, and in turn made more money. It was THEN I was able to afford the treatments again, this time with NO debt involved. Choosing the career eventually provided the income that allowed me to do the treatments after all, just later than I had planned. It all worked out, but in a slower timeline than I wanted. Even so, I wouldn’t change my decision for anything.
Anyway, this comment is a lot longer than I planned. :) I just wanted to say I understand where you’re coming from.
I am SO happy for you. All that matters is that YOU are happy, and you are doing what is best for YOU! So sorry that I have added to your stress, and I hope you can forgive me. "US" people with kids will never be able to understand how you really feel. All I know is that I love you and you are going to be ONE AMAZING TEACHER!!
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