CSET & CBEST

From this point forward probably until July 2011 I will have no leisure time in my schedule (like I had any before). I thought I would have been somewhat done with having a crazy school schedule, but it has hit me once again. Although I'm done with taking the 24 crazy units last semester (and barely surviving), I will basically be going through the same mental exhaustion as before during my 3rd and final semester. This is because not only of the fact that I still have to finish last semester with FPU to get my Bachelors Degree, but I also have to start studyinng to take the CSET (California Subject Examination for Teachers) and CBEST (California Basic Educational Skills Test).

I'm taking the CSET in March. The CSET consists of 3 "subtests". The first subtest consist of 2 subjects (1) Reading, Language and Literature and (2) Social Science and History. Like I said I'm scheduled to take this next month and I have a lot of studying to do. The second subtest consists of 2 subjects as well (1) Science and (2) Math. These are my worst subjects. I will be taking these in May, actually the day of my graduation...how fun. And the third subtest consists of 2 more subjects (1) Physical Education and (2) Visual and Performing Arts. I will try to take the third subtest with the second subtest in May because if I don't pass any then I will have one more chance to take the test in July, which is the absolutely last chance I have to pass all tests in order to get into the teaching credential program. This is all just for the CSET. I haven't even mentioned the CBEST.

I will be taking the CBEST in April, which doesn't consist of so many layers of testing. It's basically one test with three subjects, Reading Comprehension, Literature and Math.

I am from this point forward going to exclude anything that takes away from my studying. I have to make a schedule that allows time for homework and time for studying. I'm scared, but I know this is something that I want to do and will work as hard as possible to be satisfied with what I'm doing. Wish me luck (and prayers)!

Decisions

Well, I have made a life changing decision. I'm going to pursue a career in teaching rather than do another round of fertility treatments. Brent and I came to this decision about a week ago and we both felt that this was the right thing to do. I know people in church would not agree with my decision, but they're not the ones who have basically tried everything "in the book" to get pregnant. I feel that this is the right choice to make right now. Heavenly Father knows that I was to become a mother. However, I feel that I need to pursue my goal of becoming a teacher.

I also came to the conclusion that I need to move on with my life. I have been dwelling with the fact of trying to become a mother that it has basically consumed my life. The thing is I don't know if I will ever become a mother, other than a mother to my precious little dogs. I'm rearranging my method of thinking and just live life. I want to pass this chapter of dealing with infertility in my life. If Heavenly Father thinks that I should be a mother then he will bless me when he thinks its time, but for now, I feel I need to do what will make me happy.

For those of you who are mothers, please don't take offense, but I feel like I cannot relate to you and it makes it very difficult to have anything in common with you. Being around you all is being talked about is kids, kids, kids. I don't share anything in common with you. I've gotten to the point that I just plain out don't feel comfortable being around families with children anymore. I love children and that is why I want to become a teacher, but being the only person at a function who doesn't have kids has become very uncomfortable. This may sound strange, but I feel most comfortable being by myself or with my husband and finding out who I really am. I prefer to stay home and not go out (and no this not a plea to go out...I would rather not).

Regardless, I am following a dream that I've had since I was a child. I'm going to make something of myself and be happy with the decision that I will/have made.

Career vs. Family

as most of you know, brent and i have now been trying to get pregnant for over 5 1/2 years now. two years ago next month was when we first attempted artificial insemination, which obviously did not work. we decided to take a 'break' from fertility treatments since then. most, if not all of you, do not understand the tole fertility treatments do to your body. it is horrible. the only way i can describe it is that it is having all the signs and symptoms of pregnancy without actually being pregnant. it's absolutely horrible. before we did ai (artifician insemination), we were on fertility treatments for about 7 months. we were simply just taking the basic of fertility medications, which was clomid, ovidrel, and prometrium. i also had surgery to open my left fallopian tube, which my fertility doctor thought was the result of our infertility. wrong.

anyways, brent and i are 'thinking' of doing one more round of fertility treatments, but this time we want to go all out. this means that it will more than likely cost us 2-3 more than the first time around. i have come across a situation where i have to choose between a career and doing the treatments. i will admit i really don't want to go through the disapointment of not getting pregnant again. not only that, but i have basically put my career on hold for 5 1/2 years by trying to get pregnant.

i will be graduating from fpu in may, ending classes for my ba in july, and hopefully start the teaching credential program in august of this year. the reason that we're wanting to try once more with treatments is because i still have health insurance through my job. i will stop working in august when i enter the teaching credential program. so if we do become pregnant (and that is a big if) then that means that everything that i have worked for will essentially go down the toilet. don't get me wrong. i think that women/moms should get an education, but for me personally i don't want to get a degree and do nothing about it.

i have a lot of important life changing decisions to make soon and i am thinking that pursuing a career in teaching will probably be the smartest thing to do right now. brent and i can't afford a nearly $1k fertility treatments.

Disney Name Sign

I forgot to post this with my Disneyland trip post. This was an early Christmas gift to myself while we were at Disneyland. As you can see, our last name is spelled out by Disney characters. I love this sign. I hope you can point out what Disney character represents which letter. (C-Belle, U-Snow White, T-Prince Charming, T-Peter Pan & S-Little Mermaid). I just have to make time to get this matted and framed.